Its just WHO I AM!!

"If we are truly disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ, we will reach out with love and understanding to all of our neighbors at all times" -ELDER RUSSEL M BALLARD

Some of my Very good close friends cannot believe that I suffer sever Anxiety attacks, sometimes to the point that I cannot Breath and I have to go in a quite room to gather my thoughts and most of the time it isn't what is happening in MY LIFE,   its mostly because of the people that surround me that I have grown to love a care for.   I know what some of you may be thinking or have already told me " To not worry so much about others" or to " Understand that Everyone has their FREE AGENCY ".  I have people that I have met recently or haven't known for a Whole year yet and I try to be the Best example to them in any way I can or be a GOOD FRIEND to them and want them to know that I would do anything for them and Never look down on anyone, I also feel that as much as one person may feel different about me and who I really am, and are BLIND enough to see my good intentions, I truly LOVE that person anyway. And as much as Ben always says to me  " Hunny it's just who you are, and if people cant recognize it, well then its NOT worth having them as a Friend"  He says that to me all the time.  But STILL I cant get them off my Mind.

 Does that sound Completely Insane? Because if it doesn't then I feel Insane or I want to just go Insane.

But I cant help it, Its JUST WHO I AM AND I CANT HELP IT!

When I have the opportunity to serve others, it Truly Brings me JOY in my life!!

My goal in this life is to Do whats Right! and Love one another No matter What circumstance they may be in or what kind of religion they are, or the things that they might do.

When I was growing up that was just the way I was taught.

I have worked really hard to get the blessings of the Temple in my life and I am very passionate about the Gospel and how it has effected my life, I am very passionate about the temple and serving for my husbands family in it, It brings me great joy in knowing I can help out in that aspect.

 I know that I cant save the World and yet I continue to want to treat everyone like they are a "Child of God" whether they want to believe it or not!!  That is just WHO I AM and I cant Help it!!

I am grateful to know that I have some of the Greatest friends in my life that truly love me for me and will help me recognize that I am a good person, even if some people don't want to see it. Although it kills me When I know that someone might feel differently and I can lose many hours of sleep hoping I can "Fix The Problem" I have to try and understand that I cant Change ANYONE, and just pray that I can overcome it and know that I have done my best.

Thomas S. Monson said "Rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life." 

This quote I LOVE and explains exactly how I think and Feel!!

This Month has been a rough one for me with certain people that I have gotten to know and Love, Although now I am starting come out with it to get it off my chest before I go NUTS so please Ber with me.

Like I have said, these people that I have gotten to know recently have completely different personalities in which I both love, although these personalities may not mesh with one another I love and want to accept Both no matter what, Although I may be bugged at some things that people may do I am and have been taught that we are all HUMAN and should treat others how we would/or want to be treated and Visa Virsa.  I am not Perfect and Far from, But yet I am doing the Best I can, These people may not see this nor want to believe it.

But I know me and My love and true intentions to everyone I meet, or come in contact with.

I want to be every ones Friend, and I will someday have to understand that everyone is different and may not want to see me of who I truly am trying to be.  And yet again it KILLS ME and hurts me. But it is what it is. and I have to get it off my chest.

Last night I was talking to one of Ben's cousins, She is such an inspiration to me. She is so real and I feel I can truly be myself around her, she has struggled with the loss of her precious 3 year old daughter that passed away in her sleep a little over a year ago, She has such amazing strength and yet With small children we only really are able to talk about once a month, but as we were talking she had said to me "  she loved me and loved talking to me because she has never met someone more Honest, Real, and yet so faithful"

I really needed to hear that!  If you want to hear her inspiring thoughts you can log on to http://haileyshalo.blogspot.com/

Her and her husband have also set up a website in her name where they have given back to families that have struggled with sick children including Us, they have been such a blessing in our lives.

I just have been struggling and I dont want people to think that I am having a Bragging fest because I am far From and I have done things that I am not proud of but yet again We are all Human and have to understand my mistakes in this life and have to realize   my faults to have a better understanding of my own life to make myself stronger. But if you Know me You Know WHO I AM!

I want and try daily to look at the best in others as of what Christ would want me/or us to do. Its all in good intentions. whether some people may want to see it or believe it or whatever you want to call it.

Its just WHO I AM AND I CANT HELP IT!!

( thank you I feel so much better)