My Direct Feelings!



This is a very direct post, with my own feelings and thoughts, I have freedom to write how I feel.

Tell me Does this man Really look like he would do things intentional to hurt us?

 At the time I began to Blog, I felt that this was a great way for me to Journal my Life, kids, Motherhood, and being a wife, and passion for the Gospel.   When I started writing I was going through some major trials in my life that I don't wish upon anyone.... For example Severe Post par tum Depression, a very sick child, and healthy one that still needed my daily attention and much more that was on my plate at the time.   I needed a way out, I needed to write out my feelings, thoughts, concerns, heartache and frustrations,  I know it sounds weird but I needed to see if someone could relate with me without me feeling like I was going nuts.  At that time I went through many weeks of Therapy, I almost got to the point I wanted Ben to take me and admit me into the Mental Institution.
       Blogging was a way out and almost a great therapy for me to get through the moment where I felt as if I was crashing.  I always knew at that time that during the Darkest of the Darkest moments that I was going through,  I had to rely on my Heavenly Father!
   
      And I have to be up front and Honest, there times where I was angry with life and God, I didn't understand WHY I had to take this on all at once.  But that's when I had to realize and remind myself that that's when I needed him the very most!!

     I guess the whole purpose of this is to get my feelings out on the table...
     When I was going through all of that and I felt as if my world was crashing down before my eyes...I still had Faith that there was a purpose in all of this, There had to be Right?   When I felt weak, I trusted the Lord, to take my weight from me even if it was for the night so I could sleep, and he did!  I kept going There was a purpose and I still believe there is, even though now I see the light at the end of the tunnel, I thank him for building my Testimony of strength and endurance.... I continued on the path that I always was taught from my parents example...After going to the Temple I made a choice to continue as a Daughter of God, be faithful and Keep the commandments that I promised to him,   and most importantly protect my children and teach them of my faith and of the importance of the Gospel and how powerful it can be.

     I am not Perfect....Yet again I wonder why some can take Heavenly Blessings for Granted and only worry to much of worldly things that they don't have (not that there was a time that I did too), I sometimes ask myself "so what you going to do about that problem?" for example....
     -I may only have 1 car that pretty much gets us from point A to point B.... My dream car is a Honda Odyssey (don't laugh) and for Ben to have is own car.

   -I live in a well to do 2 bedroom town home and I'm reaching my 29th year, never thought I would STILL be renting.

   -The girls use Bunk beds from when I was a child.

  - We literally live paycheck to paycheck.
Honestly I could go on and on of what we just have to deal with and hope that one day we will be in a better position to have the things we wish to have but in the meantime I know what is the most important heavenly blessings that are far better than the Honda Odyssey....But if you think about it, Should it really matter about what we don't have?

   What really matters? I admit Ben and I made some dumb decisions that set us back, But is it Gods fault?  NO!! 
    We had our Free Agency right? and now we are dealing with it.

I feel it is not fair to blame our problems on our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ,  For they are the ones that have Truly suffered for US, so that WE can have Eternal Life, and Eternal Family, My husband and children is all I need, that's what makes me happy, and I'm willing to struggle, and gain strength and learn lessons for them! I have been promised that as long as I continue to live the promises that I have made with him! 

THEY ARE ALL I NEED!

Is it fair for us to hurt OUR SAVIOR when we have made covenants & Promises to them?   What is more powerful than A Blessing that anyone can have Like ETERNAL LIFE, only if we choose to live and keep such small simple promises.

I really don't understand it!

My calling in the church is teaching my sweet Valiant Girls,

and today we had a lesson on Jesus baptism and receiving the Holy ghost,  Because I feel I have made sacrifices in order to Keep the Spirit in my home, Keep my promises that I have made with my Heavenly Father, and forever BE and TEACH my children of the importance of the Gospel and reach out to them with my Testimony.

Is how I will always have the power of the Holy Ghost to Guide through path which "I" want to have.

So again I ask myself why do some take such things For Granted?

I have forever learned so much from my own weakness and trials in my life.  Which has helped me realize that having No Money, 1 car, shopping at the DI.  Is NOTHING compared to the spiritual blessings that are in this Life and my next, which makes me feel so comfortable!

The Gospel is my EVERYTHING!! To help ME get through this life, and live & have my

"HAPPILY EVER AFTER"

I personally know this to be True!

So I ask WHO HAS REALLY SUFFERED?